Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
