a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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