Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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