just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
