He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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