if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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