yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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