If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
