This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
