whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
