woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
