True but thats because hes a fetus.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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