I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
