i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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