Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
