woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
