wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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