decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
