Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
