Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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