I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
