Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
