the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can't turn off my feet"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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