Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
