Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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