All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
