And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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