:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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