The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I need to align my fucking chakras
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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