I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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