I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
