i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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