I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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