Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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