i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
