I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My life is pants optional.
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