I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
