i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
