So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
