Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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