at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
