It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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