While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
