I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
