I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
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Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
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my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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