Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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