brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
