I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This is the high leading the old right now
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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