There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
