No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
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But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
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You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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