fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
