im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
