can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
