'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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