I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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