we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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