idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
