We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
