i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
