I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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