Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
