I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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