I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
