I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
